The Uncooperative Co-Parent From a Therapist’s Perspective

Co-parent issues in Divorce, Custody and Child Custody.

Important tips for when a co-parent becomes uncooperative

This is the first of two back-to-back articles on this subject.  The second one from the viewpoint of Dayton, Ohio, divorce lawyer Robert “Chip” Mues, will be posted here on Saturday March 3, 2012.

When you are going through a divorce, keeping your children’s well-being in the forefront of your mind is critical. Whether the children ultimately have an experience that is traumatic or manageable is a direct result of how well their parents’ behave. Some parents even stay together “for the sake of their children” but their behavior is so appalling that the kids beg their parents to split up. Whether you stay together or not, your children learn from and emulate your behavior. You are role models for healthy relationships.

Your commitment to protect your children from divorce acrimony is tested when you find yourself in the throes of splitting property and assets.… View Full Article → “The Uncooperative Co-Parent From a Therapist’s Perspective”

The War of the Wives: Is it Time to Disarm?

No relationship is more maligned in our culture than that of first wives and second wives. While we make fun of mother-in-laws, many admit to having wonderful fulfilling relationships with their M-I-L. Not so with the “Ex” and the “Next”. Judged as guilty before even tried, these women are pitted against each other by circumstance. Stereotypes abound; the first wife was a “crazy nagging bitch” and the second one “a cheap slut”!

Unfortunately, these stereotypes often eclipse the potential for a positive relationship; these women are preprogrammed not to like each other by societal misconceptions. In truth, had these women met under different circumstances they might have been friends. Yes, I know there are situations when “friendship” is impossible: for example, when the second wife was once your “best friend” and slept with your then-husband or the first wife is out of control with rage and is stalking you. We have all heard many horror stories.… View Full Article → “The War of the Wives: Is it Time to Disarm?”

Parenting Time Suspension for Bad Behavior

Parenting Time Suspension can occur when a parent’s bad behavior gets in the way of the child’s best interest.

“Children must be considered in a divorce, considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.” – P.J. O’Rourke

The truthfulness of O’Rourke’s statement cannot be more evident. Children going through a divorce are often caught in the middle of two parents at war. They can be fighting about money, parenting time, adultery committed, or even about why the toilet seat was once again left up. Although this fighting in and of itself can be a traumatic time for a child caught in the middle, the worst of the fighting results when a parent uses his or her children to hurt the other parent.

In a case in Montgomery County, Ohio, recently affirmed by the Second District Court of Appeals, the Court decided that it was time to show parents that bad behavior can result in a suspension of parenting time.… View Full Article → “Parenting Time Suspension for Bad Behavior”

Grandparenting Styles: Taking the Quiz

Grandparenting Styles: Impressions By a Dayton, Ohio, Divorce Lawyer

It was truly a memorable Christmas. In the past we have usually managed to get the “family” together in Dayton, Ohio. But this year I locked the door of my law office; and my wife and I flew to Dallas to be with our son, daughter-in-law and our first grandchild – Hannah. We were fortunate enough to have been able to travel from Dayton, Ohio, to Texas to be in the hospital when Hannah was born five (5) months or so ago, but we haven’t visited in person since.

I wish we lived closer. Dayton and Dallas are a long way apart. Being proud parents (and now grandparents) we are thankful for all the photos, videos and texts we have received showing Hannah’s growth, almost on a daily basis. Hannah’s Mom and Dad have great jobs and have established a wonderful life there together.… View Full Article → “Grandparenting Styles: Taking the Quiz”

Thinking About Staying In Your Marriage For The Benefit Of The Kids?

Over the years Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., who is a local child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at the Children’s Medical Center of Dayton, has allowed us to republish many of his “Family Wise” articles from the Dayton Daily News.  He included an interesting question and answer in his column published in the Dayton Daily News on Sunday, August 28, 2011, that caught my attention.  Here is the question and Dr. Ramey’s answer:

Q:

My parents fight all the time.  I know they are only staying together two more years until I leave for college.  I hate being at home.  Should I tell them to get a divorce?

A:

Whether your parents stay married is their decision, not yours.  It’s inappropriate for you tell them to get a divorce, but you should discuss the impact that the family turmoil is having on you.  Don’t pick sides, offer advice or threaten them in any way.  … View Full Article → “Thinking About Staying In Your Marriage For The Benefit Of The Kids?”

Can My Child Choose Which Parent to Live With?

Once upon a time in Ohio the answer was “yes”. But not any longer. There is much misinformation on the internet about this subject. So, I thought that a review of the child custody laws over the years might be both helpful and interesting. There has been movement away over the years from allowing a child to choose in a divorce which parent to live with. These past “age of election” laws were seen as placing too much pressure on children.

Title VI, Chapter 3, Section 8033 from the Ohio Annotated General Code of 1910 allowed children as young as 10 years old to choose their custodial parent:

“…the court shall decide which one of them (parents) shall have the care, custody….except that, if such children be ten years of age or more, they must be allowed to choose which parent they prefer to live with, unless the parent so selected…be unfitted to take charge of such children…”

Chapter 3109 of the Ohio Revised Code was enacted on January 1, 1974, which states in part:

“(A) Upon hearing the testimony of either or both parents and in accordance with sections 3109.21 to 3109.36 of the Revised Code, the court shall decide which of them shall have the care, custody, and control of the children, taking into account that which would be for their best interest, except that any child twelve years of age or more may be allowed to choose the parent with whom the child is to live unless the court finds that the parents [ sic] so selected is unfitted to take charge or unless the court finds, with respect to a child twelve years of age or older, that it would not be in the best interests of the child to have the choice.”… View Full Article → “Can My Child Choose Which Parent to Live With?”

The “New” and “Improved” Montgomery County Standard Order of Parenting Time

On July 1, 2011, the Domestic Relations Court of Montgomery County, Ohio adopted a “new” and “revised” Standard Order of Parenting Time, previously known as the Standard Order of Visitation.  Over the years, our elected officials in Columbus, Ohio have chosen to “rename” terms frequently used in the Domestic Relations Court.  The phrase “parenting time” replaces the older word of “visitation”, and, the term “parental rights and responsibilities” replaces the older word of “custody”.  It should be noted that with each change in legislation, the older or former terms have been replaced with longer names or phrases!

I have practiced Family Law for over twenty years.  Until recently, the Standard Order of Parenting Time, fka Standard Order of Visitation, provided for the non-custodial or non-residential parent to have five (5) weeks (35 days) of visitation or parenting time each summer.  Additionally, if the non-residential parent submitted to the custodial parent his/her request for summer parenting time between the dates of March 1 and April 1 of each year, the non-custodial parent was to have preference as to the summer parenting time schedule.… View Full Article → “The “New” and “Improved” Montgomery County Standard Order of Parenting Time”

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