Holidays: Just Say No And Feel Empowered!

A Guide to Happier Holidays: Replace HO–HO-HO with NO-NO-NO!

Well, the holiday hoopla is ramping up. Displays of sparkly red and green stuff has taken center stage in our stores, catalogues are arriving in droves, internet sites are offering deals, discounts and sales on every imaginable product. Magazines at the grocery checkout display unbelievable glossy covers of gorgeous people, in gorgeous houses, serving gorgeous food. Now with the sudden drop in temperature and the promise of snow this week, the reality that the holidays are descending on us is unavoidable.

It feels impossible to slow this down or simply get a grip. It is like being swept up in some tinselly tidal wave. I don’t want to shop yet; I still am cleaning out the garden! Yet, as the heat clicks on, and my sweaters and even gloves begin to take center stage, it cannot be denied. Here comes the holidays.… View Full Article → “Holidays: Just Say No And Feel Empowered!”

Divorce and The Christmas Story

Reconciling Divorce with the Holidays

How The Christmas Story relates to Divorce

Many of us associate the holidays with certain fond memories or warm feelings. It’s a time of year when many people make an extra effort to get together with family and friends. We often reconnect with relatives, spend extra time with our children, open presents, share great meals, sit around a fireplace, laugh, return gifts, watch football, nap, and hopefully get to see it snow.

Whether we attend church regularly or not, statistics show that the majority of us also make sure to attend a church service at Christmas time. During most Christmas services we sing hymns and carols, light candles, smile and say hello to lots of people we may not know, and we are reminded of the “reason for the season”…the birth of Christ, or The Christmas Story as we sometimes call it.

The Christmas Story.

When we hear those words, I am sure that many images quickly come to mind.… View Full Article → “Divorce and The Christmas Story”

Holiday Guilt: The Gift that Keeps on Giving….

How to Avoid Manipulation by Family and Friends during the holiday season

And so it begins…The constant jockeying, bargaining, organizing, planning, and fretting that shows up every holiday season as we are bombarded with images of “creating the perfect holiday”. We struggle to meet the needs wishes and expectations (and yes, sometimes, even the demands) of everyone in our lives. Realistically, we know we can’t please everyone (so you got to please yourself…), yet we still go at that long list of “should’s” with the tenacity of a dog with a juicy bone.

Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life writes that she wishes “should” just be abolished from our language completely! Why such a vehement reaction to this one little word? Because “should,” actually takes away our personal power.  “Should” doesn’t address what we want to do, what we could do, or what we need to do. When we make a decision based on “should” we are making a decision based on guilt.… View Full Article → “Holiday Guilt: The Gift that Keeps on Giving….”

Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful

If this is your first Christmas since the separation and divorce, the anticipation can fill you with sadness and trepidation. Here are some solid, easy tips to help make the holidays less painful and hopefully, maybe, even (surprisingly!) enjoyable!

Let go of traditions that no longer work for you. This is an opportunity to re-invent your holidays. Keep the traditions that you enjoy and get rid of the ones that you don’t. No one expects you to be on your best behavior during this time, so you can probably pull it off without anyone getting too upset.

Stick to your regular routine as closely as possible. Sleep, exercise, eat well and don’t skip those therapy appointments.

Don’t use money, alcohol, food, or sex to deal with pain and sadness. These indulgences will leave you poor, hung over, fat, and guilty on December 26th.

Don’t be afraid to do something different.… View Full Article → “Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful”

Your Thanksgiving Doesn’t have to be a Turkey!

Karen Armstrong, a human development extension agent with North Dakota State University, posted an excellent Thanksgiving piece two years ago. Her suggestions and insights bear repeating. Plus, I liked her Thanksgiving Quiz!  She was kind enough to allow me to republish it.

The holiday season can be stressful enough on its own. Families who have changed the make up of their household because of divorce or marriage since last year have some new challenges. If this describes your family, watch your children for signs of stress this season. Often times the shopping and decorating is too much for them. Encourage your children to talk about what they are feeling and keep those lines of communication open so they can approach you when they need to.

Because of the holidays, you may feel that you and your children are supposed to be happy, but allow time to deal with the adjustments. For example, it’s normal and healthy for children to miss the other parent; acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s okay.… View Full Article → “Your Thanksgiving Doesn’t have to be a Turkey!”

Planning Parenting Time for the Holidays – Tips to Follow

As we are now into the month of November, it is not too early for divorced and divorcing parents to look ahead to the upcoming Christmas Holiday.  Here are some “tips” regarding the “nuts and bolts” of handling the Christmas holiday season.

  1. Read and examine the Parenting Time Schedule for your particular County which should be attached as part of your Final Decree or Court Judgment.  The Domestic Relations Court and Juvenile Court of each County have differing schedules. If your parenting time schedule has been lost or misplaced, you can obtain a replacement from your attorney’s office or the clerk where your order was filed.For example, Montgomery County, Ohio, has the following provision as to the Christmas Break:

    In all even-numbered years, the Mother shall have the children from 9:00 a.m. the day after school recesses (or 9:00 a.m. on December 20 if the children are not in school), until 9:00 p.m.

… View Full Article → “Planning Parenting Time for the Holidays – Tips to Follow”
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