Do you Believe in Magic?

Some weeks ago, I tuned into an NPR radio interview with Penn and Teller, those amazing magicians/entertainers who have for decades defied logic and fooled us with their brilliant illusions.

What caught my interest was the oddity of the interview. The dynamic duo of Penn and Teller were being interviewed separately. This intrigued me as I wondered how NPR would handle empty radio air space if the usually silent Raymond Teller continued to be mute.

Luckily, he did not. And among the thought provoking things he had to say was this, “Nothing fools you better than the lie you tell yourself.” Of course, he was talking about magic. But I was thinking about denial. It never occurred to me before that moment that magic has so much in common with denial. The point of intersection is simple-We WANT to believe.

We know when something is “off”; maybe we can’t see it, but we feel it.… View Full Article → “Do you Believe in Magic?”

Divorce Research Shows Children Suffer No Real, Long-Term Effects of Divorce

Important Steps Parents Can Take To Minimize Negative Side-Effects Of Divorce For Their Children

Divorce can be earth-shattering for everyone, but arguably no one suffers more than the children involved. That being said, while divorce has proven to have devastating impact on these young people at the time, some research now suggests that these children do not experience long-term side-effects.

In an article in Scientific American Mind, authors Hal Arkowitz and Scott O. Lilienfeld acknowledge that while divorce is often extremely trying for children, studies show that as these children become adults, few experience lasting, serious effects.

While the divorce is occurring, and even in the period following, it is typical for kids to experience anxiety, anger, depression, shock, etc. However, Arkowitz and Lilienfeld argue that all of these negative effects are short-lived. In support of this, they point to a study conducted by sociologist, Paul R. Amato.  Amato’s research followed kids whose parents divorced during childhood, into their adolescence and teenage years.  … View Full Article → “Divorce Research Shows Children Suffer No Real, Long-Term Effects of Divorce”

Fighting Winter Despair

Here we are in the post-holiday pall. While the holidays are difficult for those who have experienced a loss of any kind, they are stressful to some degree for all of us. We eat too much, drink too much, spend too much and in many cases have “too much” family or possibly, too little. And while there a kind of relief to having the holidays behind us, the let-down presents its’ own challenges.

Even if your holidays were great-the results of those excesses now impact fully. There is the influx of bills, the shorter days, the extra pounds accumulated from the holiday goodies, the clean-up and putting away of holiday décor and the return to routine. In the Northeast, these changes are accompanied by inclement weather – the dropping temperatures, the snow and the ice. Plus, cold and flu season grips us.

Some folks anticipate this January “crash” and plan a trip to warmer climates.… View Full Article → “Fighting Winter Despair”

Uncoupling and Divorce

What is Uncoupling and How Does It Relate To Or Not Relate To Divorce?

A few years ago when Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced they were “consciously uncoupling”, many rolled their eyes at what felt like pretentious language.

While “uncoupling” sounds a little strange, in truth, it may be a more precise way to describe the demise of a marriage and the subsequent unraveling of intertwined lives, then just saying “we are getting divorced.” Divorce is a legal process that culminates with a bang of a gavel. Uncoupling is the emotional process of ending the marital/romantic relationship. It extends far beyond mere legalities.

Unlike divorce that clearly defines the practical division of financial assets and legal responsibilities, uncoupling rarely has clear boundaries or a definite end. Especially when there are children; the relationship doesn’t end so much as morph into another kind of relationship.

Do not assume “Relationship” always refers to one of civility; while that is the ideal, in truth many couples continue their post marital relationship by bickering, fighting and power struggles.… View Full Article → “Uncoupling and Divorce”

Divorce: Summer Holidays for Those Newly Divorced

The Struggle Of Divorce During the Summer Holidays – How To Juggle The Roles And Responsibilities In Your Life

Memorial Day, Labor Day and 4th of July are holidays that celebrate different aspects of American culture. Memorial Day honors those who fought to defend our principles and ideals, Labor Day honors our work ethic, and 4th of July honors our fight for independence. We don’t consider them “big holidays.” They are, for most of us, times to be outdoors, watch some fireworks, and eat lots of good food. They also give us an extended weekend.

For a newly divorced person, however, these holidays can take on great significance. You, too, have been fighting for your principles, working hard, and struggling with your newfound independence. No three holidays in our calendar reflect your struggle as these three do. Since we do not have a specific holiday that honors those who have been through the struggle of divorce, adopt these as your three days.… View Full Article → “Divorce: Summer Holidays for Those Newly Divorced”

Regrets

Should We Try To Avoid Regret?

How Accepting Some Sense Of Regret Will Be A Part Of Every Decision We Will Make

A few months ago when I read the novel The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd, I had no idea that it would include a sentiment that was so wise that I would be inspired to share it.  The main character in the book is struggling with a decision that will impact her for the rest of her life. “Choose the regret you can most live with” is the powerful advice she receives.

Those of you who have been in the office recently may have heard me quote this. In the often gut wrenching world of making tough decisions, this one simple line offers good counsel as often there is no easy, clear resolution.

As much as I valued this sentiment, I was having trouble writing about it in a way that seemed as if it would have meaning.… View Full Article → “Regrets”

FOMO: Does it Impact Decisions to File for Divorce?

The Role FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) Plays Out In Daily and Family Life

Technology has created a glut of new words and expressions. It also has “repurposed” old words; a mouse is no longer just a rodent in my basement. A crash is not a vehicular accident, a chip is not just used for scooping up onion dip and a pad is not just a monthly required feminine product.

Electronic communication has also introduced us to a wave of new acronyms. LOL, ROFL, OMG, BRB were sprinkled through our e-mail and now are a standard in texting. Those initialisms (another new word I recently learned) have entered into our face to face conversations and are a part of our lexicon. Since I don’t Tweet, Snap, or Facebook, I admit I am lagging in current vocabulary updates.

Then an acquaintance confided she attends church weekly because she has FOMO. For those of you who are, like me, lagging in social media jargon, I will decode.… View Full Article → “FOMO: Does it Impact Decisions to File for Divorce?”

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