Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful

If this is your first Christmas since the separation and divorce, the anticipation can fill you with sadness and trepidation. Here are some solid, easy tips to help make the holidays less painful and hopefully, maybe, even (surprisingly!) enjoyable!

Let go of traditions that no longer work for you. This is an opportunity to re-invent your holidays. Keep the traditions that you enjoy and get rid of the ones that you don’t. No one expects you to be on your best behavior during this time, so you can probably pull it off without anyone getting too upset.

Stick to your regular routine as closely as possible. Sleep, exercise, eat well and don’t skip those therapy appointments.

Don’t use money, alcohol, food, or sex to deal with pain and sadness. These indulgences will leave you poor, hung over, fat, and guilty on December 26th.

Don’t be afraid to do something different.… View Full Article → “Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful”

Are Differing Post-Divorce Parenting Styles Causing Conflict?

How do you handle it if after a divorce you and your Ex have different values or parenting styles? Do you hear “Mommy would let me” or “It is much more fun to live with Daddy”? Here is some great advice on this topic frequently raised by clients to their divorce lawyers. Dr. Greg Ramey, PhD, a child psychologist at Dayton Children’s Hospital and author of the Family Wise Column in the Dayton Daily News responded as follows:

Question:

My 7-year-old came back from a visit with his dad and asked me why he can do things there that he can’t do at home (e.g., stay up late, watch certain videos and eat certain types of food). I have an excellent relationship with my ex and I don’t want to say or do anything that will cause problems. I disagree with my ex on these issues but I don’t want to say that to my son.… View Full Article → “Are Differing Post-Divorce Parenting Styles Causing Conflict?”

A Commentary: Nurturing Children After Divorce

Considering a multitude of differing perspectives and insights helps me to better hone my skills as a divorce lawyer.  What I see and hear every day is rarely black or white, but a rainbow of shades of gray. One way of broadening my viewpoint is to read all sorts of blogs each week, an activity which I totally enjoy! Consistently, one of my favorites is Michael Mastracci’s Divorce Without Dishonor Blog. Mike is an excellent attorney from Baltimore, Maryland. His own difficult and acrimonious divorce and child custody battle led to his personal interest in collaborative family law.  Attorneys and clients both should include his blog on their frequent read list. Mike regularly espouses ethical, moral and philosophical standards that we should aspire to meet. I have personally and professionally been a proponent of child welfare issues for over 30 years.  So, when I read his recent post about “What We Are Teaching Our Children of Separation and Divorce,” I had to ask Mike if I could have his permission to republish it.… View Full Article → “A Commentary: Nurturing Children After Divorce”

Did Your Ex-Spouse Take the Easter Baskets? Resurrection After the Crucifixion of Divorce…

Holidays for those that have become divorced can be very difficult times. Easter is no exception. Have old memories of good times and happiness morphed into feelings of anger, regret and pain? We all know that Easter, in its most religious meaning, is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Some European countries stop the daily ringing of the church bell on Thursday in memoriam of the death of Jesus Christ. The daily tradition begins once again the early morning hours of Easter Sunday in commemoration of the resurrection. Devout Christians in America celebrate Easter in the spiritual manner, as do devout Christians all over the world.

But regardless of your religious beliefs, from a practical standpoint, Easter is about forgiveness, life, and in a sense, everlasting life. For those of us, however, who think about Easter in terms of the Easter Bunny, coloring eggs, surviving sugar-crazed kids, or spring break, Easter can still be a time of reflection and resurrection.… View Full Article → “Did Your Ex-Spouse Take the Easter Baskets? Resurrection After the Crucifixion of Divorce…”

Who Needs Cupid?

Valentine’s Day is the start of the busy season for Dayton divorce lawyers.  Many couples wait until after the holidays and it gives them time to file their taxes “jointly” and receive a larger refund.  It also can be a reckoning day when people decide that they deserve better.

While romance abounds with cupid’s magic for some, it also can be a difficult time for many divorced individuals who don’t have a valentine to share it with.

Here are some tips from Jennifer McCarron and Eugene Kayser, licensed family therapists from Abington, Pennsylvania:

Ignore the holiday

Think about Valentine’s Day like a holiday for a religion you do not celebrate.  Simply decide you are not participating in the activities typically associated with the day.

  • Do something special for yourself.
    Go to a spa, take a walk or try any other activity that nourishes you. Kayser said, “showing love and regard for yourself can make you feel stronger”.
… View Full Article → “Who Needs Cupid?”

Feeling Guilty About Your Divorce?

No doubt, guilt is a big issue for many people going through a divorce.  I came across an interesting article on the subject at Divorce Transitions.  The author has opined that there are two separate stages:

Shock

We tend to think of “shock” as being sudden.  But the dictionary tells us it can be “a disturbance in the equilibrium or permanence of something” or “a sudden or violent mental or emotional disturbance.”  Therapists confirm that shock need not have the suddenness of a lightning bolt.  You may have known for some time that your marriage was in trouble, but the final realization of the loss may still create a sense of shock.

Among the most common symptoms are extreme disorientation, numbness, difficulty with short-term memory, physical distress, and/or confusion.  As part of denial, the divorce-bound person may seek refuge in fantasy.  “He’s going to come in the front door this evening, and everything will be just like its always been.”  … View Full Article → “Feeling Guilty About Your Divorce?”

When to Seek Professional Counseling and/or Therapy During a Divorce Proceeding

Being confronted with the fact that a divorce proceeding has been initiated can certainly be disconcerting and upsetting. As a former nurse and having primarily practiced divorce and family law for over twenty years, I would like to share some of my insights. While some parties may be knowledgeable that this action is taking place, other parties may be absolutely caught “off guard”, being unaware that anything was or is amiss. The fact that one party, either Husband or Wife, is placed on notice that a divorce proceeding has been initiated evokes many feelings and emotions. Many persons may need some assistance as they attempt to cope with the emotional roller-coaster they may be experiencing. If either party is having any or all of the following signs and/or symptoms, it may certainly be beneficial to seek some assistance from a family physician, psychologist, and/or counselor.

  1. Inability to sleep soundly and to get a good night’s sleep.
… View Full Article → “When to Seek Professional Counseling and/or Therapy During a Divorce Proceeding”
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