AlcohoIism And Chemical Dependency: Special Dilemmas In Family Law Cases

Alcoholism is defined by Webster’s New World Dictionary as “the habitual drinking of alcoholic liquor, or as a resulting diseased condition”. It is also defined as a chronic and progressive illness characterized by physiological and psychological dependency upon the ingestion of alcohol; a loss of control over drinking, including when, and in what form, how much, and why; and interference with normal functioning in one or all such areas such as family, work, friendship, and community activity.

Chemical Dependency can be defined as alcoholism is above…..but it is a chronic and progressive illness characterized by a physical and psychological dependency upon the ingestion of legal or illegal mood altering drugs; a loss of control over the ingestion of the drugs, including when, and in what form, how much, and why; and interference with normal functioning in one or all such areas such as family, work, friendship, and community activity.

Are families in domestic relations matters impacted by these diseases?… View Full Article → “AlcohoIism And Chemical Dependency: Special Dilemmas In Family Law Cases”

Consider the Impact of Divorce on Your Adult Children

It’s a misconception that when parents divorce it doesn’t affect adult children. It is important to remember that our children may be adults (and even may have experienced divorce themselves), but they are still children of both parents. In going through divorce, many parents “lean” on their children, making them into confidantes and, sometimes, surrogate spouses. Children, even adult children, are uncomfortable with details of their parents’ personal life. Confiding to a child about a parent’s indiscretions puts the child in a no-win situation. Many of the adult children I have spoken with say that they are shocked and angry by their parents’ behavior. But as the child, they continue to want the relationship. Giving adult children inappropriate information puts them in a quandary – how to have a relationship with a parent who may have behaved terribly in marriage without feeling disloyal to the other parent? Children are entitled to have a relationship with each parent that is not based on that parent’s performance as a spouse.… View Full Article → “Consider the Impact of Divorce on Your Adult Children”

Coping with Difficult Behavior

Throughout life, we sometimes encounter difficult people. We may argue with them, fall silent, comply or take distance. In a divorce, particularly an acrimonious one, difficult behaviors abound. No one is on their best behavior under this amount of stress. Figuring out how to cope with difficult behavior is a bit easier once you can identify why a person behaves in a certain way and what he/she hopes to accomplish. Here is a list of the most common behaviors that frustrate us all and suggestions for dealing with them:

The Bully – uses temper tantrums to overwhelm you; makes insulting and cutting remarks. Needs to feel superior and not lose control of the situation. Wants to get his/her own way.

*Stand up, listen, do not attack back, and take time-outs. Keep to the agenda.

The Complainer – gripes about everything incessantly. Needs to keep looking like a victim, does not take any responsibility, tries to bring others down to make her/himself look/feel better.… View Full Article → “Coping with Difficult Behavior”

How You Can Influence Your Own Happiness

Every Sunday I look forward to reading Dayton Psychologist, Gregory Ramey’s article in his Family Wise Column in the Dayton Daily News.  A few weeks ago, he wrote a very interesting piece about “the pursuit of happiness” but not from the legal perspective as contemplated by our forefather’s in the Declaration of Independence, but from a psychological viewpoint.

“Happiness” can no doubt be elusive and its meaning can be very different to each of us.  In some fashion or form, it is an issue that many clients either considering a divorce or having gone through a divorce must confront.  Genetics and life events are no doubt factors, but according to Dr. Ramey, each of us can take steps which will have a major impact on our own “happiness”.  I think that you might be a bit surprised by both his opinion and his candid common sense suggestions!

Happy People Enjoy an Upbeat Approach to Living

I really enjoyed watching Will Smith portray a determined dad in the “Pursuit of Happyness.”… View Full Article → “How You Can Influence Your Own Happiness”

Adjustment Tips: Do You Have a Child Living in Two Homes?

Through the divorce process, children deal with many changes. One of the most significant adjustments children have to make is living in two homes. Even if a child visits one parent for a few hours a week, the child should feel at home there. This helps foster connection with the non-custodial parent and helps the child to recognize that the non-custodial parent didn’t “divorce” him/her. Issues of abandonment and rejection are paramount for children of all ages, although the young ones can’t express it and the older ones either won’t or they “act out.” Creating a sense of belonging in both homes assists the child in making a healthy transition. Many children actually enjoy having two homes because they get special attention; often have two birthday parties and two sets of Christmas or Chanukah gifts.

Here are some tips to help children adjust:

  • The child should have her own room. If this isn’t possible, she should have her own space in a room – her own dresser drawer, a toy bin, some shelves.
… View Full Article → “Adjustment Tips: Do You Have a Child Living in Two Homes?”

What and How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce

One of the most difficult things you will ever have to do as a parent is tell your children that their parents are breaking up. It is important that you shift your focus from your loss to your children’s loss. Divorce is about the dissolution of a husband-wife relationship. It marks a change in the parent-child relationship. Staying aware of this difference will help you effectively support your children. In talking with your children, stay focused on their feelings about this experience. If you focus on the spousal relationship, your own feelings may get in the way of good parenting.

Here are some tips for explaining the divorce to your children:

  • If possible, both parents should be present. This illustrates to the children that you will still be able to co-parent.
  • Tell them close to the time that one of the parents is planning to move out. Telling them months in advance doesn’t “prepare them.”
… View Full Article → “What and How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce”

Your Divorce Marathon

Getting tired of all this? No one goes into a divorce adequately prepared to deal with all the changes and stresses. As active, high-functioning men and women, we want to do the best we can in the least amount of time. However, divorce is a process, not a single event, and it can be a long process. Even if the legal divorce takes only a few months, the fall-out (both emotional and financial) can continue for many years.

To prevent your divorce from becoming overwhelming, recognize that you cannot rush it. The legal system works at its own pace. It requires patience and energy. The emotional components also take their natural course. Each person heals in his/her own time. While there are things you can do to minimize the pain, the process will have to run its course.

Think of your divorce as a marathon, not a sprint. In a sprint, we gather all of our energy and push to our very limits right from the beginning of the race.… View Full Article → “Your Divorce Marathon”

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