The Pendulum of Divorce Discovery

No one wants to get divorced. We don’t walk down the aisle thinking, “Aw, what the hell, if this doesn’t work, I can always get a divorce.” You probably thought more along the lines of, “I don’t care how many people get divorced. This is not going to happen to us!” Yet here you are. It is awful and it hurts more than you could have ever imagined.

Divorce is a process, with many issues, facets, twists, and turns. Your emotional well being, along with your financial and legal assets, will all be called into play. Where you live, how you live, how you define yourself, and what you want from life are all going to be examined, evaluated, and possibly changed. As the process unfolds, the most important thing you can do is learn to pace yourself. You will learn many new things about life, finances, the legal system, your spouse, and mostly yourself.… View Full Article → “The Pendulum of Divorce Discovery”

Whose Kids Are These?

Even young children are aware that they are part of both parents. We tell them the story of our courtship, our wedding and of their birth. We show them baby pictures. “You have Daddy’s smile and you have Mommy’s eyes,” we tell them. This is one way children feel they are part of a family. It helps our children develop a sense of identity and belonging. As children grow older, we begin to identify more traits in them that remind us of ourselves. “You are artistic like your dad” or “you have your mom’s wit” are further ways we continue to build connection with our kids.

But when a marriage starts to deteriorate, parents sometimes focus only on the worst traits of their spouse and now flinch at any similarity they may see in their children. When anger and stress collide, parents find themselves comparing their children in a negative way to “you’re no good lazy cheating father” or “that crazy drunk of a mother.”… View Full Article → “Whose Kids Are These?”

Would You Recognize This as Abusive Behavior?

When we hear “abusive behavior” we often think of physical violence. Abusive behavior is not always physical. Even though there may be no visible wounds, abusive behavior can be very damaging to the individual, the relationship and the family. Consider if these abusive behaviors are present in your own relationship.

  • Criticizing you, your friends, family, job, or anyone or anything important to you. 
  • Blaming you for everything.
  • Making fun of you in front of other people. This includes remarks about your looks, family, job, or sex.
  • Demanding that you account for all your time.
  • Listening in on your phone conversations.
  • Reading your mail or e-mail.
  • Isolating you from your friends and family.
  • Yelling, throwing things, slamming the counter, slamming doors, punching walls.
  • Using sarcasm.
  • Ordering you about.
  • Controlling or limiting your access to money.
  • Discussing you behind your back.
  • Demanding s/he have everything done her/his way.
  • Controlling what you wear.
  • Forcing you to have sex or to do sexual things you are not comfortable doing.
… View Full Article → “Would You Recognize This as Abusive Behavior?”

The Lawyer You Choose May be More Important Than You Think…

This represents the third collaboration between Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, and myself. We both had remarked to the other about the important role that the therapist and attorney play in a divorce proceeding. Donna suggested that we both write about our perceptions on that subject. Instead of each of us writing about the merits of our own profession, we switched roles. I wrote about the importance of therapy during a divorce and Donna addressed considerations for picking a good divorce attorney. We hope this perspective provides the reader with additional information and insight regarding the need for professional support during this challenging and life-changing experience. Be sure to spend time exploring the excellent articles she has written. Her insights are terrific!  Donna, as in the past, the collaboration was a lot of fun!

Here is her article:

Most women take more time picking out a winter coat than a divorce attorney.… View Full Article → “The Lawyer You Choose May be More Important Than You Think…”

Marriage Works! Ohio – Perhaps It’s Just What You Need!

“Wait a minute!  Did I read that right?  Marriage ‘building’ advice and links to what sounds like a marriage ‘strengthening’ organization on a Divorce Attorney’s website…what’s up with that?”  Those thoughts and questions may have run through your mind as you have explored our law firm’s blog and website, but you read correctly.  The desire to help strengthen marriages and prevent divorce, if at all possible, may be unusual in our industry, but saving marriages and strengthening families is good for society!  To that end, our website, as well as our Ohio Family Law Blog, provides people with links to pro-family organizations like Marriage Works! Ohio, an organization whose mission is helping couples strengthen their relationships.

We have teamed up with Marriage Works! Ohio since 2009 when they agreed to write monthly “Relationship Builder Tips” for our Ohio Family Law Blog. Those tips have been very well received and are an integral part of the blog.… View Full Article → “Marriage Works! Ohio – Perhaps It’s Just What You Need!”

Bringing Laughter Back Into Your Life

Joel Goodman of the Humor Project in Saratoga Springs, New York, says, “Humor is what lubricates life.” Humor can help you deal with all the stressors in your life. Humor cannot erase the situation, but it can take the sting out of many things, thus reducing their negative impact. In order for humor to be curative in your life, you need to find your own laugh button. Remember, divorce is one part of your life, don’t make it your whole life!

Jennie remarked recently how surprised she was that she could still feel joy taking a walk on a beautiful autumn morning, even though she felt devastated by her divorce. Nurture those feelings of joy, laughter, and wonder. Laughter is not just a luxury; it is a vital piece in the healing process. It is especially important during times of stress. It provides our body, heart, and mind with a welcome and necessary reprieve.… View Full Article → “Bringing Laughter Back Into Your Life”

A Good Divorce Therapist is Critical to Your Emotional Health!

For most people going through a divorce, there is no substitute for having a neutral professional by their side who is trained to listen and discuss the emotional issues relevant to a divorce.  The emotions many encounter are similar to dealing with a death or loss of a loved one.  Therapists may refer to the stages of emotion by differing names, but they are: shock, denial, anger, sadness, and finally, acceptance.

In my practice I discuss counseling with virtually every new divorce client I meet.  Many clients going through a divorce feel like their life has been completely turned upside down.  Even if the individual has some sort of a “support network”, this is usually not an adequate substitute for having a good therapist. Most friends or family members are not trained or equipped to provide objective professional guidance and steady you through the divorce process, which often can turn into a very long marathon.… View Full Article → “A Good Divorce Therapist is Critical to Your Emotional Health!”

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