The War of the Wives: Is it Time to Disarm?

No relationship is more maligned in our culture than that of first wives and second wives. While we make fun of mother-in-laws, many admit to having wonderful fulfilling relationships with their M-I-L. Not so with the “Ex” and the “Next”. Judged as guilty before even tried, these women are pitted against each other by circumstance. Stereotypes abound; the first wife was a “crazy nagging bitch” and the second one “a cheap slut”!

Unfortunately, these stereotypes often eclipse the potential for a positive relationship; these women are preprogrammed not to like each other by societal misconceptions. In truth, had these women met under different circumstances they might have been friends. Yes, I know there are situations when “friendship” is impossible: for example, when the second wife was once your “best friend” and slept with your then-husband or the first wife is out of control with rage and is stalking you. We have all heard many horror stories.… View Full Article → “The War of the Wives: Is it Time to Disarm?”

Holiday Guilt: The Gift that Keeps on Giving….

How to Avoid Manipulation by Family and Friends during the holiday season

And so it begins…The constant jockeying, bargaining, organizing, planning, and fretting that shows up every holiday season as we are bombarded with images of “creating the perfect holiday”. We struggle to meet the needs wishes and expectations (and yes, sometimes, even the demands) of everyone in our lives. Realistically, we know we can’t please everyone (so you got to please yourself…), yet we still go at that long list of “should’s” with the tenacity of a dog with a juicy bone.

Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life writes that she wishes “should” just be abolished from our language completely! Why such a vehement reaction to this one little word? Because “should,” actually takes away our personal power.  “Should” doesn’t address what we want to do, what we could do, or what we need to do. When we make a decision based on “should” we are making a decision based on guilt.… View Full Article → “Holiday Guilt: The Gift that Keeps on Giving….”

The Pendulum of Divorce Discovery

No one wants to get divorced. We don’t walk down the aisle thinking, “Aw, what the hell, if this doesn’t work, I can always get a divorce.” You probably thought more along the lines of, “I don’t care how many people get divorced. This is not going to happen to us!” Yet here you are. It is awful and it hurts more than you could have ever imagined.

Divorce is a process, with many issues, facets, twists, and turns. Your emotional well being, along with your financial and legal assets, will all be called into play. Where you live, how you live, how you define yourself, and what you want from life are all going to be examined, evaluated, and possibly changed. As the process unfolds, the most important thing you can do is learn to pace yourself. You will learn many new things about life, finances, the legal system, your spouse, and mostly yourself.… View Full Article → “The Pendulum of Divorce Discovery”

Whose Kids Are These?

Even young children are aware that they are part of both parents. We tell them the story of our courtship, our wedding and of their birth. We show them baby pictures. “You have Daddy’s smile and you have Mommy’s eyes,” we tell them. This is one way children feel they are part of a family. It helps our children develop a sense of identity and belonging. As children grow older, we begin to identify more traits in them that remind us of ourselves. “You are artistic like your dad” or “you have your mom’s wit” are further ways we continue to build connection with our kids.

But when a marriage starts to deteriorate, parents sometimes focus only on the worst traits of their spouse and now flinch at any similarity they may see in their children. When anger and stress collide, parents find themselves comparing their children in a negative way to “you’re no good lazy cheating father” or “that crazy drunk of a mother.”… View Full Article → “Whose Kids Are These?”

Would You Recognize This as Abusive Behavior?

When we hear “abusive behavior” we often think of physical violence. Abusive behavior is not always physical. Even though there may be no visible wounds, abusive behavior can be very damaging to the individual, the relationship and the family. Consider if these abusive behaviors are present in your own relationship.

  • Criticizing you, your friends, family, job, or anyone or anything important to you. 
  • Blaming you for everything.
  • Making fun of you in front of other people. This includes remarks about your looks, family, job, or sex.
  • Demanding that you account for all your time.
  • Listening in on your phone conversations.
  • Reading your mail or e-mail.
  • Isolating you from your friends and family.
  • Yelling, throwing things, slamming the counter, slamming doors, punching walls.
  • Using sarcasm.
  • Ordering you about.
  • Controlling or limiting your access to money.
  • Discussing you behind your back.
  • Demanding s/he have everything done her/his way.
  • Controlling what you wear.
  • Forcing you to have sex or to do sexual things you are not comfortable doing.
… View Full Article → “Would You Recognize This as Abusive Behavior?”

Bringing Laughter Back Into Your Life

Joel Goodman of the Humor Project in Saratoga Springs, New York, says, “Humor is what lubricates life.” Humor can help you deal with all the stressors in your life. Humor cannot erase the situation, but it can take the sting out of many things, thus reducing their negative impact. In order for humor to be curative in your life, you need to find your own laugh button. Remember, divorce is one part of your life, don’t make it your whole life!

Jennie remarked recently how surprised she was that she could still feel joy taking a walk on a beautiful autumn morning, even though she felt devastated by her divorce. Nurture those feelings of joy, laughter, and wonder. Laughter is not just a luxury; it is a vital piece in the healing process. It is especially important during times of stress. It provides our body, heart, and mind with a welcome and necessary reprieve.… View Full Article → “Bringing Laughter Back Into Your Life”

Single not Sad on New Year’s Eve

Many of us actually prefer to stay home on New Year’s Eve or spend the night with friends rather than get all dressed up to trudge through snowy, icy weather, only to eat and drink too much! Yet, the fantasy of this night still seems to hold many captive. The notion of “being alone” on New Year’s Eve makes an otherwise strong, capable, independent adult feel like a gawky 13-year-old wallflower! How is it that one can be spending New Year’s Eve with friends, family, and children, but without a date, will say, “I am alone”?

It is time to shake off those old myths about New Year’s Eve! Not having a “date” on New Year’s Eve is not an indication of social incompetence; it is simply a change. If this is your first New Year’s Eve without your spouse, then this is your first New Year’s Eve as a single person.… View Full Article → “Single not Sad on New Year’s Eve”

Page 7 of 9
1 … 3 4 5 6 7 8 9