Thanksgiving Anxiety? Don’t Let Divorce Ruin Your Thanksgiving Day!

Tips On How To Make Thanksgiving Day Work For You After Divorce

Thanksgiving marks the official beginning of the holiday season. Although usually less fraught with anxiety than Christmas, if it is the first “big holiday” since your estrangement from your spouse, you may be dreading the day. It also may be your first holiday without your children.

Going through a divorce can give you the perfect “excuse” to break with tradition and forget your own way of celebrating. Spending the holiday at home by yourself watching videos and eating Chinese take-out (yes, they are open on Thanksgiving) may be just what you need to do!

Or, here is what Evelyn did; she prepared a complete Thanksgiving dinner for herself of her favorite foods. She set the table with linen and candles and put on music she liked. Then she enjoyed the day celebrating by herself.

Divorce gives you the opportunity to listen to what you want and what works for you.… View Full Article → “Thanksgiving Anxiety? Don’t Let Divorce Ruin Your Thanksgiving Day!”

Divorce: How To Choose And Manage Your Battles

10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Taking Divorce Legal Action

The dissolution of their marriage offers the opportunity for each partner to stand up for themselves in a way they had not before. Bravo! Finding your voice and learning assertiveness skills can create better relationships with others while assisting you in getting what you need.

Sometimes though, in our desire to not let ourselves be hurt or abused again, we may become inflexible and unwilling to give in on anything. If we become rigid, we cross the line into aggressive behavior. This new contentious behavior can backfire. In the realm of divorce, it can create additional problems such as higher legal bills, increased acrimony with our ex, tension with our kids and conflict in our daily lives.

Rolling over and acquiescing to everyone and everything isn’t the answer either. We must learn to choose our battles; it’s old advice, but good advice.… View Full Article → “Divorce: How To Choose And Manage Your Battles”

Minimalization: How We Accept the Unacceptable

Minimalization: Accepting the Unacceptable

Minimalization: A Case Study of Jane

Jane was married for twenty five years. Her husband filed for divorce, and Jane struggled to understand what happened. “Disappointed,” was Jane’s response when I queried as to how she felt. Over and over she spoke of her disappointment.

Jane was diagnosed with depression during the marriage. She shut down emotionally. She was not accessible to her husband or children. I asked her if she was happy in the marriage. “Not really, but life is hard.” Her husband, a dominant, verbose guy, didn’t like to hear Jane’s complaints, so after a while she learned to keep them to herself. She tried to minimize them, (“This is not that important”) or rationalize them (“He really didn’t mean that”). Years of minimizing her own pain and trying to hold it in turned into depression for Jane. She wasn’t just disappointed. She was really, really angry.… View Full Article → “Minimalization: How We Accept the Unacceptable”

Divorce Time Out: Take Your Emotional Pulse

Is Checking Your Emotional Pulse The Key To Dealing With Divorce?

“I am in the divorce process up to my elbows. I have paperwork for my lawyer, deadlines for my job, parent conferences for my kids, friends coming for dinner. I have a birthday party to plan, a lawn to mow, a dog with fleas. I haven’t slept more than five hours a night for months. My grey hairs are coming in with a vengeance and my skin is breaking out. Most of the food in my refrigerator looks like science experiments. I have no idea of world events, latest movies, or current songs. I have to get my kids to soccer practice, karate and guitar lessons. I have grocery shopping, vet appointments, orthodontics appointments, child therapy appointments, ob-gyn appointments. I have appointments with my lawyer, my accountant, my therapist. I have appointments with my children’s lawyers and therapists. I even have an appointment to sit down and talk with my soon to be ex- husband about vacation schedules!… View Full Article → “Divorce Time Out: Take Your Emotional Pulse”

Shocked at Your Partner’s Behavior During Divorce?

Frequently, a spouse is incredulous at their partner’s behavior during divorce. Why do we expect people to be on their best behavior during divorce? Does anyone actually behave better under stress? If you had a tendency to anxiety in your marriage, you are probably climbing the walls. If your spouse was controlling during the marriage, then s/he is probably exhibiting dictator-like characteristics. And if either of you had a tendency toward alcohol or drug abuse or domestic violence of any kind, then you can expect those frightening behaviors to escalate.

Divorce is not a catalyst for our finest behavior. During divorce, our negative traits are amplified as we become embroiled in a torrent of never ending finger-pointing and blame. Under stress, people do not communicate more effectively. Our foibles, weak spots, and least attractive characteristics often get called into play. How your partner reacted to adversity prior to the divorce gives you some fairly accurate clues as to how they will act during the divorce process.… View Full Article → “Shocked at Your Partner’s Behavior During Divorce?”

Parallel Parenting: When You and Your Ex Can’t Play Nice

How Parallel Parenting is a viable alternative to banging your head against the wall

The continued post-divorce acrimony that plays out in the arena of parenting is the probably the most aggravating and stressful part of divorce for all involved. Parents struggle with a sense of wanting to make this transition easy for their children but when left over marital issues continue to play out in the co parenting arena, the adults often throw up their hands in frustration. The continued conflict is worrisome as it is the fighting, not marital status, that hurts the kids.

So, here you are embroiled in a constant struggle of trying to play “nice.” Ideally we would all like co-parenting to be like silly sit-coms with mad-cap situations leading to easy going resolution. The parenting books tell us how it “should” go, but is it too idealistic to believe this is possible all, or even most, of the time?… View Full Article → “Parallel Parenting: When You and Your Ex Can’t Play Nice”

The Uncooperative Co-Parent From a Therapist’s Perspective

Co-parent issues in Divorce, Custody and Child Custody.

Important tips for when a co-parent becomes uncooperative

This is the first of two back-to-back articles on this subject.  The second one from the viewpoint of Dayton, Ohio, divorce lawyer Robert “Chip” Mues, will be posted here on Saturday March 3, 2012.

When you are going through a divorce, keeping your children’s well-being in the forefront of your mind is critical. Whether the children ultimately have an experience that is traumatic or manageable is a direct result of how well their parents’ behave. Some parents even stay together “for the sake of their children” but their behavior is so appalling that the kids beg their parents to split up. Whether you stay together or not, your children learn from and emulate your behavior. You are role models for healthy relationships.

Your commitment to protect your children from divorce acrimony is tested when you find yourself in the throes of splitting property and assets.… View Full Article → “The Uncooperative Co-Parent From a Therapist’s Perspective”

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