The Summer is Over – School Year Preparations for Child and Parent

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This blog is as meaningful today as it was when we originally posted it on August 9, 2014! These back-to-school tips for divorced parents remain relevant and helpful. We have updated it a bit as well! We have a ton of interesting articles in our archives of the Ohio Family Law Blog. Use our Search tool and enjoy a few oldie but goodies!

How To Prepare for A Successful School Experience – 11 Practical Back-to-School Tips for Divorced Parents.

School has started or is right around the corner for many children and their parents. This time of the year, while always somewhat stressful for children, can bring even more anxious unknowns for a child when their parents are separated. Regardless of your relationship with your former spouse, there are some essential back-to-school tips for divorced parents to ensure your children, and their teachers, are prepared for the coming year.

The first thing to remember is even if you’re not on good terms with your spouse, you must respect them as a mother and a father. Being able to set aside marital differences to ensure your child has a smooth educational start to the school year is essential as a parent. Below are some of the most important back-to-school tips for divorced parents that every parent should take, regardless of your relationship with each other.

1. Communication: Make sure you’re communicating about schoolwork, grades, extracurricular activities and other school events with your spouse. Work out a parenting schedule. Make sure both of you know what’s on the horizon, what assignments are assigned, and when they’re due. This way you can ensure that your child is benefiting from their schooling and you’re not hogging all the parental duties yourself. Effective communication is one of the top back-to-school tips for divorced parents.
2. Extracurricular Activities: Show up. Absent an Order to the contrary, both parents can be at these events to watch their child. Not only will this relieve some stress for the parents, but also for the child. Don’t make your child’s activities and social events about your inability to be together. Being present at events is a crucial part of the back-to-school tips for divorced parents.
3. Parent-Teacher Conferences: Both should attend. If you’re both assisting in schoolwork, then you’re both necessary to discuss the progress the child is making. Don’t request two separate conferences with your child’s teacher. The teacher’s time is limited, and it is also important that you both are hearing the same comments. Again, it is important to put aside your differences. No teacher wants to hear negative comments from one parent about the other. Remember they are not interested in your marital problems. They are interested in helping your child achieve in their classroom. This approach aligns with the key back to school tips for divorced parents.
4. Never Use Your Child as a Messenger: Don’t use your child as a” carrier pigeon” for communications. If you aren’t able to talk face to face, then email or text. Children shouldn’t be the messenger in any situation, let alone regarding schooling, sports, or other events. This is a vital point among the back-to-school tips for divorced parents.
5. Organization: Often when parents are living separately, the child’s schoolwork can become confusing from moving it back and forth. Make sure you send your child to their mother/father with an organized and precise backpack or binder. Sometimes the school is willing and able to provide duplicate textbooks so that both parents have the necessary materials at their individual homes. Having extra uniforms, school shoes, gym outfits etc., at each house can also be helpful for eliminating stressful mornings. This is one of the most practical back-to-school tips for divorced parents.
6. Plan Ahead: Sit down or email back and forth with the other parent to discuss what will happen on holidays, calamity days or other days off. Review the school calendar. What is the plan if your child becomes ill at school? Planning ahead is a critical component of back-to-school tips for divorced parents.
7. Give the Teachers a Heads-Up: Let your child’s teacher know the dynamics of the parenting situation. Make sure the school and the teacher both have each of your emails and cell phone numbers so that you both receive pertinent notifications. If you’re the only parent involved with the school, let the teacher know. If you’re sharing school responsibilities, also let the teacher know. This will alleviate any confusion and help the child progress better in school. Ask the teachers to advise you if they notice any possible issues with your child as soon as possible. Among the back-to-school tips for divorced parents, keeping teachers informed is essential.
8. Try to Coordinate Rules: Discuss with the other parent school rules and expectations and do your best to make them consistent. Make sure you’re not telling your child their bedtime is 11pm, and it’s 9pm at the others. Make sure you’re allocating sufficient time for schoolwork and play time. This will help with schooling and prevent favoritism. Trying to stick with similar routines is helpful for the child. For example, if the child knows he or she is to come right home, have a snack, and then start homework, it is beneficial that both parents try to follow the same routine. This coordination is one of the top back-to-school tips for divorced parents.
9. Stay Involved and Pro-Active: If your child experiences new problems at school, communicate with the other parent, teachers, and quickly get counselors involved. SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR CHILD and follow the experts’ recommendations. Staying involved is key in back-to-school tips for divorced parents.
10. Schooling Must be a Priority: And finally, realize that none of the separation issues should fall upon your child. This is all about your child. Divorce makes school, along with every other event in a child’s life much harder. Make sure you and your former spouse are ensuring that the child has as smooth of a transition during the separation as possible. Prioritizing education is the foundation of all back-to-school tips for divorced parents.
11. Phones and Social Media: In this day and age, phones and social media are a given in a child’s life. It is up to the parents to establish guidelines. Be sure you are on the same page so that you can provide a consistent message. Discuss between the two of you what is and what isn’t appropriate given the age and the maturity of your child. Make sure your child understands the school rules regarding having a phone. School policies vary on phones for students. Some schools are requiring students to check in their phones in the office and then allow them to retrieve them at the end of the day. Others are banning them altogether, while still other schools allow students to carry them although they must be turned off during class time. Click here to read a prior blog we posted discussing cell phone apps to help protect kids from predators.

Work Together as Parents to Ensure a Successful School Year for Your Child

Although you and your spouse or ex-spouse may disagree on many issues, it seems safe to say that you both want your child or children to have a successful school experience. Putting aside differences and presenting a united front as far as school expectations can make all the difference in how your child achieves academically this school year. Children going through big changes in their life such as separation or divorce, deserve to have two parents who can work together to ensure that they have the best school year possible. These back-to-school tips for divorced parents should help you achieve that goal.

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Before attempting a divorce or dissolution without a lawyer, consult with the team at MuesLaw to avoid costly mistakes. MuesLaw can assist you with your divorce or dissolution related issues. To learn more, please go to our website at mueslaw.com or call us at 937 293-2141. We can schedule an in-person conference or one by phone or Zoom. We look forward to assisting you!

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